i'm not even gonna waste my time attempting to explain.

i don't really think my family really understand (or care, for that matter) about the abuse and everything i've already done in my life to get past it. they don't realize how I was KICKED by my own father because my mom decided to place me in front of her to block him from kicking HER. i've had NUMEROUS dreams reminiscing this shitty-selfish parenting ALONG with a few surgeries as a RESULT of it. i'm sure a lot of my family members think my mom isn't capable of doing something like this because she's handicapped and slow- so people with that intelligence are too stupid to do something this horrible. EXPLAIN THE DREAMS AND THE DAMN SURGERIES. she's NEVER brought it up to me before in my whole life.. probably because she's ashamed and doesn't have any excuses for her selfishness. her only defense is dead now- so the abuse can no longer be condoned. my grandma told me a long time ago that my dad was chased to mexico for beating on my mom by my grandpa. i'm sure she couldn't defend my mom using me as a shield while my dad kicked her, so she claimed that my mom had me in her arms and "turned to get away from him as he was kicking her to get stacy away from poncho (my grandma always called my dad "poncho"- his name was really alfonso) and he ACCIDENTALLY kicked stacy." HOWEVER.. my dreams remember differently. my mom DID have me in her arms but she placed me in front of my dad while he was kicking her, nanchalantly acting like she was trying to show him that he should calm down because I was there. i'm gonna have to believe my dreams and i told my brother about it and he said, "yeah. that sounds like something mom would do." so EVEN he believed my dreams. this destroys amanda's plans to selfishly not assist me to move somewhere i'm TRULY happy and successful and her plans to keep me as depressed and dependent on government assistance as possible because then she wouldn't have to do anything to help me because she can just neglectfully "encourage" me with "YOU GOT THIS!" and just pay attention to me when it's convenient and/or beneficial for HER even though this IS MY life.. NOT WHATEVER'S MORE CONVENIENT FOR AMANDA AND/OR MY NEGLECTFUL MOM WHO ONLY ACTS LIKE SHE "CARES" WHEN IT MAKES HER IMAGE LOOK GOOD OR WHEN IT'S BENEFICIAL FOR HER. i've gone through more anxiety and depression AFTER my accident then during the actual fuckin accident in THANKS to my LACK of "support" and my family (EXCEPT FOR JOE AND JAY). THANKS A LOT YOU SELFISH PRICKS! i'm not gonna tell you to put yourself in my shoes because that's "empathy" which is obviously too difficult of a quality for you idiots to understand. empathy requires intelligence which my family (except for joe and jay) OBVIOUSLY lacks.